Following are articles written by Kaye for La Noticia newspaper.  She has responded to parent's questions about sending their children to college for over 3 years now.  You will find an abundance of wisdom in these responses.  If you have a question for Kaye send her an email at Kaye@Kayemcgarry.com. 

Q.  My daughter is a college freshman. She was at the top of her class in high school, but is having difficulty making the grades she was used to earning. What advice can you give her?

A.  Managing time in college is one of the biggest challenges for all college freshmen. Your daughter needs to be commended for being at the top of her class in high school. However, she is probably at a college where many of her colleagues were also at the top of their classes in their respective high schools. The competition can be greater. She may have to devote more time to studying than she is used to. In high school, she may have been able to grasp the material quicker. College is different. Some students hardly study at all, and still receive A’s. Others study a great deal and only receive C’s. Many kids say “Life is not fair.” I love the following quotation which I share with high school seniors on this topic:

 “Everyone receives 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week regardless of origin, position in life, or particular circumstances. If we are honest with ourselves, most of us can learn just about anything ‘IF’ we give ourselves enough time.”   - Author Unknown

In college, some students will just have to adjust their schedules to put more time into studying in those courses where they are having difficulty absorbing the material quickly. That’s what life is all about. We make the adjustments necessary based on our own particular circumstances and what goals we have set for ourselves.

Q.  My son has college application forms in hand, but has done nothing with them. How do I get him to complete the application forms for colleges before the deadline without going out of my mind?

A.  Working on college applications with deadlines can be stressful not just for your son, but also for the entire family.  Human nature dictates that procrastination sets in with many students. As parents, we must have patience to watch how our children complete the myriad of paperwork they are faced with, without doing the filling out of applications for him.  Now is the time when those applications need to be completed and deadlines creep up all too quickly. However, there are a few things that parents can do to help with the process.
1. Encorage your son to present a neat application. This means typing, printing, or writing legibly.

·        Encourage your son to present a neat application. This means typing,  printing, or writing legibly.

·        Some colleges require a personal essay. By all means, encourage your son to submit a draft of his essay to his English teacher, a mentor, a guidance counselor, or another appropriate person for review and/or suggestions. However, any changes or additions to his essay need to be his own work. Any English teacher will tell you that every time a student revises a paper, it does get better.

·        Recommendation letters. Some colleges require these and your son needs advance time to request these letters on his behalf and to follow up to make sure he receives them in ample time to submit with his application package.

·        As each application is completed, remind him to proof read the entire application before submitting it.

In addition, if a financial aid application is needed, your son needs to check with his guidance counselor to make sure he has the application and completes it before the deadline. While encouragement is necessary during this entire process, the responsibility needs to fall directly on the shoulders of your son.

Q.  My daughter was home for fall break. She and her roommate do not get along well. Their hours don’t match. My daughter goes to bed early in order to get up early for classes. Her roommate stays up until all hours and sleeps in even if she has to skip classes. Help!

A.  Let me share with you a recent story which is similar. Ashley and Marita were roommates their freshmen year. Their hours did not coincide. Ashley had to get up at 5:00 a.m. most mornings for athletic practice for crew team followed by morning classes. Therefore, she chose to get to bed early.  Marita, on the other hand, studied in the room late at night with the light on; Ashley could not sleep with the light on. Neither spoke about the problem. Ashley asked for help in solving this conflict. Generally, there are three ways of solving roommate problems:
        1. One roommate just leaves the room.
        2. One roommate tells the residence hall counselor.
        3. Both roommates sit down and say "Look, we have a problem.  Let's talk about it and 
            find a solution."

By Ashley’s not mentioning the problem, Marita did not know that her actions bothered Ashley. By sitting down and talking about their schedules, they were able to work things out. Marita found she could study just as well late at night in the residence hall lounge, and Ashley found she had to be quieter when she got up at 5:00 a.m.

Q.  We give our son a monthly allowance while he is in college. However, he continues to go over his allowance and continues to call home for extra money. When does a parent say “enough is enough?”

A. Many times, parents feel they have the money; therefore, they continue to respond positively to the calls home requesting more money. But should you?  I cannot stress enough the need to sit down and discuss how to budget. Once you have this discussion, and it may take more than one discussion, I would suggest you stick to your decisions and help your son take on the responsibility of balancing his needs and wants and living within a budget.

Q. I have a daughter who is a senior in high school. She has a 3.6 (grade point average) but she did not score well on the SAT. What are her chances of being accepted into the college of her choice?

A.  Most admissions counselors tell us that the SAT or ACT scores are but one piece of the puzzle for admissions. They look at grades. This is a sustainable measure. They look at extracurricular activities. They want to know whether a student has been a good citizen in their community; service counts. Have they exhibited leadership skills?  What honors or awards have they received? There are many factors they look at. Some do look at an incoming class makeup, i.e. gender and race, in order to compile a diverse student body.  How well a student scores on a particular test is only a score for how well they are doing on that particular day. That is why colleges and universities use a “range” to give some indication of who should apply.

That being said, there is a place on a college campus for each student who wants to pursue further education beyond the high school level.  There are hundreds of colleges and universities where your daughter will gain acceptance. She needs to narrow her choices to those institutions that offer the coursework in the field of study she is considering. She wants a good education and the academic quality of the institution should be important. If she is not sure of her major field of study, she needs to choose an institution that offers many options of potential fields of interest to her. Size of a campus, proximity to home, weather, are but a few of the considerations students look at when choosing a college. Parents, on the other hand, look at cost. Other factors can include, among others, credentials of the professors, whether experienced professors or graduate students are teaching the freshmen students, and range and quality of programs available. If you are able to take the time to arrange a campus visit, this is very important.

Q.  Even with some financial aid that my son, a college freshman, is receiving from his college, he seems to be spending far more and has recently taken on additional debt. What advice can we give him?

A.  Many students come to the college campus on student loans, but before their freshmen year is over, they over extend on these loans. They are going further into debt not just for school, but many are including social activities as well. This extends their debt to the point that many are deciding to drop out after the first year or two. Budgeting for a college freshman is difficult because they may have never had to budget as an adult.  As parents, you can help by sitting down and preparing a budget with your son. Explain what debt is and how debt is repaid, what interest payments can escalate to, what a credit rating is, why a credit rating is important to him, how to maintain a good credit rating, how to spend within his means, how to save, how to live within a budget. Credit cards make it too easy for a college freshman to turn down. Many of what they consider “needs” are really just “wants.” They need to learn to distinguish between needs and wants. Your son needs to focus on why he is in college and how best to meet his goal of graduating from college with the skills necessary to be a productive citizen and effective participant in the workforce.

Q. My son has been diagnosed as ADD. He works very hard for his grades and does quite well academically. He wants to go to a large university versus a smaller college. I am worried he will get lost on a large campus.

A.  Generally, the smaller campuses have a more personal approach to keeping its students on track and engaged on the task at hand. However, on many larger campuses, a student can “connect” to a smaller segment of that campus in order to obtain the needed help and resources to succeed. Ask questions of the colleges and universities your son is interested in applying to. Quiz them on the resources they have available for ADD students. Check their website. You may find it will have more to do with the extent of services and attention paid to ADD students than to just the size of the college campus.

Q.  What is most stressful for college freshmen?

A. I ask that question a lot. Recently, I asked it of a college freshman at San Francisco State University. Her family lived in Los Angeles, California. She responded with an energetic laugh and a beautiful smile on her face, “Everything,” she said. “The weather, family far away, and difficult course work.” This is a typical response. In this case, I could tell, she would be one who will be successful. Parents can help. Keep a communication line open, be that listening ear, ask questions in a non-judgmental way, praise them freely and pray for them. They must adapt to a world they have to live in, in a world far different than you or I grew up in. They need to stay focused on their goal of achieving that college degree. Education is a gift and once they have it, no one can take it from them. What they do with it is up to them. That will be their challenge.

Q. What quality do you think is most important at this time of year as our children transition into their freshman year of college?

A.  Now that approximately 1.4 million new college freshmen are on the college campus, I believe the most important quality for them to have is ATTITUDE. These freshmen will be on an emotional roller coaster ride the first few weeks while adapting to their new environment—new roommate, classes to find, schedules to adapt to, professors to meet, new friends to discover and friendships to make. Students need to realize that colleges or universities have accepted them because they believe them to have the credentials necessary to be successful on their campuses. All the resources these freshmen need are there. With a positive ATTITUDE and an open mind to utilizing the resources available, or tools as I sometimes call them, they can become an even more effective and successful student. When students need extra help to become a better student, they need to be open to searching out those resources on campus to enhance their study skills, such as workshops for time management, strategies for learning quickly and successfully, tips for reading and comprehending the material effectively, writing papers for the non-English major, and test taking skills. I believe ATTITUDE is everything!

Q.  What are 529s? I often hear advertisements talking about investing in your child’s college education by investing in this type of savings plan. But, I know very little about it.

A.  As families try to tame rising tuitions, deposits in state-run college savings plans have hit record highs, so says Walecia Konrad, Contributing Editor for USA Today. Named after the section of the tax code that governs them, 529s offer the biggest tax break since IRAs. Earnings grow tax-free as you save, and you pay no federal income tax on withdrawals used for college tuition. What’s more, 28 states offer income tax deductions on contributions. All states and the District of Columbia have at least one plan; some offer six. Plus, most let out-of-staters invest, so you don’t only have to look in North Carolina, but can check other state’s 529 investment plans.

How do you pick the right 529?

·        Check whether your state plan offers a local tax break.

·        Compare plans.

·        Watch extra costs. Look for low administrative fees.

·        Don’t panic if your plan changes investment managers. But find out why.

Q. Give me some general tips for parents of new college freshmen on safety, communication, and time management for our students.

A.  Campus Safety Tip.
College campuses are a microcosm of society. College freshmen do need to attend the orientation session on campus safety. This will help them to become familiar with their new environment, as they are the “new kids on the block.” Precautions need to be taken.
Time Management Tip.

A schedule helps your student organize his/her time which revolves now on a 24-7 week. Social, academic, and other interests can fit, but remember 2-3 hours of study time for every hour of class time. Every national report tells us this is a must!

Communication Tip.

One study has said that this is the most secular, worldly group of kids ever coming out of high school. However, many of these freshmen have difficulty sorting out options and making good decisions. The anxiety of campus life and leaving home creates a sense of urgency for parents to set up a pattern of communication, i.e. emails, letters, phone calls, care packages, etc., to bridge the gap from high school and living at home, to the college campus. Feeling supported by family in these ways is important to reduce the stress of college life as students make the transition from a high school senior to a college freshman on a campus away from home.

Q.  What do you mean when you tell parents it is important for their college freshman to “connect” to the college campus?

A.  “Connecting” to the college campus can be done in a variety of ways depending on a student’s interests and goals. Besides attending classes and studying and preparing for those classes, students need to choose an activity that they are interested in where they can join with other students who also have that same interest. This way they begin to form friendships with students who have something in common. From there, they can use the support of that group as a springboard for involvement in other aspects of the college campus. Whether it be involvement in the campus ministry centers, volunteering as a hall captain in a residence hall, photographer for the student newspaper, part-time job on campus, trying out for a drama production or a sports team (besides varsity, many campuses offer club sports and intramural sports teams), visiting the career center on a regular basis or joining any of the variety of clubs and organizations offered on most campuses. It doesn’t need to be a major commitment. This will depend on the available time based on a student’s schedule, but the sooner they “connect” to the campus, the quicker they will feel at home, know why they are in college, be able to set their goals, and become even more successful.

Q.  I know a family in Puerto Rico whose daughter will be attending college in North Carolina. Because of the distance and being away from home for the first time, they are worried about her feeling homesick. Do you have any suggestions?

A.  International students studying in the United States find themselves hundreds of miles from home. When other college freshmen are going home for a weekend, they must stay on campus. They have to get used to a new town, college campus, culture and state all at once. They know, for some, their families have made a sacrifice in order for them to be able to be here. As an 18-year old, it is exciting to be off to college and to be living on one’s own. It is generally a little scary as well, and sometimes homesickness sets in. Many colleges and universities have a built-in support system for international students on campus. Encourage your friend’s daughter to get involved with those campus organizations that will help her feel more at home in her new “home away from home” on the college campus. Many colleges and universities also offer residence halls that are comprised of students from various nationalities. This type of campus living can sometimes offer additional support as well.

Q. What are the advantages of my son signing up for the “freshmen experience” class?

A.  More and more college campuses are offering a class such as the “freshman experience” or “first-year” with varying names, but geared for incoming freshmen students. These classes can be valuable resources for freshmen students. I would encourage your college freshman to take it, if it fits into his/her schedule. Sometimes, these classes help students to become engaged or involved on the college campus, exposing them to as many campus resources as possible. Some campuses offer sections of these classes grouping honors students, athletes, or certain colleges such as engineering and business. Some group students who are undecided in a major and help them explore career options. Some are reading and discussion groups. Most all of these groups have in common the goal of helping the college freshman meet a group of fellow students and help them become more comfortable in their new college campus setting.

Q.  What is the #1 criteria for success as a new college freshman?

A.  Although there are many factors contributing to college success, studies will tell us the major factor is managing time effectively. If you get into a college, you should be able to be an honor student at that college. Maintaining a schedule is of utmost importance. How effectively a student manages this schedule will make the difference between academic success and possibly failure. At least two hours per class hour for study time needs to be included on this schedule. This should include reading assignments, research, and time for reviewing daily notes from class. When students prepare their schedule, they will find they will have the time to engage in extra-curricular activities, job and club commitments, exercise, and church activities, as well as time for socializing and meeting new friends. Students will be working on a 24-hour schedule, which will be quite different from when they were a senior in high school and living at home, where their hours were more structured. They need to look at college as their full-time job. They need to keep their eye on the prize – college graduation and beyond. Their goal needs to be academic success.

Q. My son was encouraged to take AP courses during his high school years. What is the value of these courses?

A.  It varies. Advanced Placement (AP) courses typically are offered to high school students as a way to obtain college credit for taking what was viewed until recently as having very rigorous coursework. These courses were geared to prepare students for the rigors of college level coursework.  At the end of each school year, the student would elect to take an AP exam conducted by the College Board. The cost is $82 per exam. When scored, if he received a score of 3, 4, or 5, he became eligible to receive college credit. Approximately 50 percent of all students who take the AP exams nationwide score a 3 or better on the test’s 1-to-5 scale. Many colleges allow students to skip introductory courses for a score of 3 or better. Some require scores of 4 or 5 in order to skip introductory courses. Some reject AP test results. Some give credit toward graduation, but don’t allow classes to be skipped. Recently, the College Board, who administers the AP tests, has announced plans to audit the high school’s AP courses to make sure these courses have not been watered-down. By fall, 2006, AP courses that do not meet the College Board’s requirements will not be able to use the AP label. I do feel taking AP classes is still an improvement over taking regular coursework in the high schools, if that student has set a goal of attending college.

Q.  As our son is getting ready to go off to college in August, what do you think are the main transitions for college freshmen?

A.  There are many transitions.  Let me mention the three top changes.

1.     Living away from home. Living in a residence hall with maybe 60 to 100 or 300 other people. Relating to a whole new set of peers in a major way. Usually, it shapes itself out after the first few weeks of school, as students begin to make new friendships with roommates, others in the residence hall, or others in classes or clubs where they share similar interests. Some students are better at adapting to this new environment than others. Some take longer to adapt. The residence hall system on most college campuses is set up to support the new freshmen with these adjustments. Resident assistants and residence hall counselors usually live in the building and are responsible to helping students deal with these major changes.

2.     The academic scene. When I gather lists of parent concerns versus lists of student concerns, academics generally comes at the bottom of the list of student concerns, while it hovers near the top of the parent’s list of concerns. However, students DO worry about academics. Many times their emotional adjustments take a front seat, and the academic adjustments tend to follow. Students may appear that academics is not a worry, but when the first test or first paper become due, the stress is definitely there, and it is important to most freshmen to do well. Many students on college campuses are competing against those who are academically in the same category as themselves, so it becomes more difficult for many that are used to earning an “A” or a “B” grade to obtain the same grade on a college campus. Many times it may take more effort to achieve that quantifiable grade. I caution parents to not judge the entire college career of their children by their grades first semester. Look at the effort that is being put forth. That will become most important. If the effort is there, the time management skills will come into play to help a student attain his/her goals academically and career wise.

3.     Readjustment to family. The first time home may be at fall break or Thanksgiving holiday or, for some, it may be the Christmas holidays, depending how far from home they have chosen to go. When your child leaves for the college campus, she will change. Six weeks at college may just as well have been six years. She will change, but when she comes home for the first time, usually not before six weeks on campus, the parents don’t really visibly see the changes and sometimes don’t adapt because to them the student is relatively the same. Yet, your daughter will have been making her schedule, managing her finances, setting her goals, determining when she needed to be where, etc. learning to be independent and responsible. Therefore, when she returns home for a weekend or for vacation, be that listening ear, make some adjustments to help her re-enter the family scene, and encourage her as she learns to make the transition from home to college a positive experience.

Q. I hear from my friends that grades of college students are sent directly to the students, not to the parents, even when the parents may be paying their college tuition. Why is this so?

A.  Your friends are giving you correct information. The 1974 Federal Education Rights to Privacy Act (commonly known as FERPA) specifies that students older than 18 are legally adults; therefore, personal information, judicial, and academic information which includes grades, must go directly to the students. Many parents are not aware of this law. At parent orientation sessions, many universities and colleges will make parents aware that there is a waiver form a student can obtain and sign which can grant waiving the student rights under FERPA for an academic year. The student must obtain the form, sign it, and return it to the university or college. In more recent years, more and more college campuses are now making grades available on line directly to the student, which is accessible only by his password. This makes it more convenient for the student and saves mailing costs for the university or college. Discuss your expectations with your student. Good communication should make the grades available to a parent regardless of who is paying the tuition bills.

Q.  Our daughter leaves for the college campus in August as a new freshman. She is planning to room with her best friend from home. We are worried that she may not reach out to make additional friends. Can you offer any advice?

A.  Here is one example that I mention in my book A New Beginning: A Survival Guide for Parents of College Freshmen (newly revised 2^nd edition), and then a recommendation with regards to rooming with a best friend as a college freshman. Kim, as a college freshman, roomed with her best friend. Guidance counselors warned them about doing that because usually one or the other is ready to move on after one semester, but doesn’t want to hurt the friend’s feelings. The student stays, but is miserable all the while. I recommend suggesting to your daughter that she consider making an agreement to room for one semester or one year, with the stipulation that they will each find other roommates after that time. In this way, feelings aren’t hurt and the two can usually remain good friends. They also have more opportunity to go out and make new friends during their college years. In Kim’s case, the arrangement worked out the first year. The girls were different, but their values were very similar, which is the reason Kim thinks they succeeded as roommates. They also had some common interests, but some different ones too. They were able to branch out and meet others in the process of pursuing individual niches.

Q.  My daughter has been accepted to four of the five colleges she applied to. As the process progresses, she seems to be more and more confused as to which college to choose. She says she’s afraid to choose a college, because she is scared she might make the wrong decision. We feel she is running out of time. Help!

A.  Your daughter, it sounds like, has a pleasant problem. She obviously has wonderful choices and now must narrow it down to the one she feels will best meet her educational goals. She needs to again review the pros and cons of each institution. Consider those factors that led her to apply to these colleges in the first place. There may be other factors to add that now seem important to her as well. Sometimes it is worthwhile to visit again her top one or two choices and attend classes and even stay overnight on campus. Some colleges offer a special day for those students who are still undecided, at which time they have special programs set up to help a prospective student get better acquainted with the campus and what it can offer a student.  Inquire to see whether that may be the case for the colleges your daughter has been accepted to. If you still feel a final decision cannot be made by the appropriate acceptance date, you may want to consider making deposits at more than one college in order to reserve a spot, thereby extending the time period for a final decision. However, it is preferable for your daughter to choose one college by the appointed date and make only one deposit. There is generally no need to prolong the period of indecisiveness and frustration and it also holds up a college offering a spot to another eager applicant. By parents exercising patience and guidance during this period of indecisiveness, it will help a student overcome some of the uneasiness she is feeling.

Q. College tuition seems to go higher each year. Our second child will be in college in August and we are having difficulty as a family preparing to pay for both tuitions. What are your suggestions?

A.   Since 1990, according to the most recent statistics, for public four-year colleges, a year’s tuition, room and board (for students attending school in their home state) rose 87% from $5,324 to $9,953. At private four-year college, tuition rose 93% during that same period. You need to sit down with both your adult children and talk about money management. College freshmen will have the stress of being away from home and then they have the additional stress of managing their finances, many times without the financial help of their parents. The decision about who pays for what needs to be made clear. Be honest about your family finances and then discuss options you have. Determine what portion of their college expenses they will have to help with. Besides tuition, room and board, college expenses range from book, gas, laundry, telephone and club dues to lab fees and computer supplies. Prepare an itemized monthly budget for college expenses. Determine how much they will need to contribute. Perhaps they will need a part-time job. Student loans are another option to explore as well as applying for scholarships.

Q.  My son is preparing his course schedule for his senior year in high school. He plans to attend college. How much math do you advise high school students to complete before going off to college?

A.  Studies will tell you that students who take rigorous high school courses have the best chance of success in college as far as being admitted to college and graduating from college. Advanced Placement courses generally contain the rigor for those students who are motivated to do the work in these classes. Even if your son does not plan to take any Advanced Placement courses, I would advise completing an upper level math course beyond Algebra II, such as trigonometry or pre-calculus. Math is extremely important. Starting in March, 2005, the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) will have a stronger mathematics component. To excel in math, he must be willing to complete regular homework assignments. Just as with reading or writing, math takes practice. The more he practices, the better able he will be to master the content of any math course.

Q. Does “parenting” end when we send our children off to the college campus as adults?

A. Parenting does not end when your child leaves for the college campus. However, it changes. We still need to parent, but in a different way. Just as students have the opportunity for a new beginning, starting the next chapter of their book of life, it is the same with parents. Our life at home will shift, and we can start the next chapter in our book of life. As parents, we need to be aware of the challenges our children will face, and to learn how to support our children in helpful and meaningful ways. We also need to communicate on an adult-to-adult level on an ongoing basis.

Q. My son graduated from a 4-year university last May. He is now living at home and working for hourly wages. What steps can we take to direct him towards a career job with more opportunity for him for advancement?

A. The fact that he is working is a good sign. However, there are strategies he needs to utilize to further explore his career options. As a graduate of his university, he will still be able to access the career center in person, or via the internet. Some things he might ask help with are:

Developing a resume
Setting goals
Making a plan listing steps to take to achieve those goals
Help to develop interview skills

Q. My daughter is a senior in high school.  She says she doesn’t need college and wants to just get a job after her high school graduation.  What is the job market success for a high school graduate?

A. Many years ago, high school grads came out of high school with basic knowledge and skills and could be employed in a work force whereby they could get lifelong, well-paying work in a factory.  This is no longer the case.  Today, and especially in our state, North Carolina, our economy is changing.  We are moving to an advanced manufacturing and information technology job market, where high school grads earn an average of $15,000/year less than college grads.  Most of the fastest-growing job sectors require higher education.  In North Carolina, statistics tell us to be a successful and productive citizen, one needs two years beyond high school. Whether it be on-the-job training, 2-year community college or technical school, or a 4-year college or university.  Therefore, I would encourage her to look beyond high school for further education.  Ask her to visit the local  career/counseling centers at CPCC, the community college in Charlotte, and/or other local colleges and universities to begin exploring the world of work and career paths.  In addition to traditional careers, we’ve seen an explosion of new careers and job titles, since the technology revolution.  Your daughter needs to know her education is her most valuable asset right now and is the key to open up a whole new world of opportunity.  However, only she can tap into this opportunity with her effort, hard work, and commitment to reach her goals. 

Q. When my freshman son was home recently from college, he stated he was unhappy with the college scene and says college isn’t for him.  He said he failed his first test in Honors English.  He did go back for the remainder of the semester, but we are looking for advice.

A. As parents, we know that high school seniors have learned to work the system in high school.  They study the night before a test, and most of what they study is memorization.  College is different and students must study way before the night before the test and work with a schedule to help them manage time.  A similarly stated case was a student at the University of Georgia.  He failed his first test in Political Science, called home and said, “Come get me because I’m not college material.”  His parents said, “Buck up.  We’re not coming to get you.  Go see your professor.”  When he did, his professor helped him learn how to read the material , how to best listen to his lectures, and offered tips on how to take the next test.  The student did everything the professor suggested and made the highest grade in the class.  He learned a powerful lesson - how to learn.  Students need encouragement, but as parents, we know our kid best.  Our gut feeling sometimes tells us which way to go in some situations.  What may work with one student may not work with another.  Ultimately, it is the student who has to do the doing.  There are resources on every college campus that a student can tap into to get the help they need to make a successful transition to college and ongoing academic help when needed.

Q. Although our son seems to be adjusting to the college life, his handling of his finances worries us.  He doesn’t seem to make ends meet at the end of a month, and he doesn’t see the need to balance his checkbook and then wonders why the bank doesn’t agree with what he should have in the bank.

A. Many freshmen have difficulty in understanding why they need to make a budget and why balancing their checkbook regularly is important to help keep them on track.  Students sometimes say, “If my Mom or Dad had only explained the banking process to me…”  and parents often ask me about the best way to help their young adults set up a personal finance program.  Parents can help by showing their students how to balance a checkbook and read a bank statement, or by having them make an appointment with the customer service representative at their bank.  All banks are happy to sit down with the student and explain the instructions for reconciling a bank statement, and students may actually listen to a person who isn’t their parent.  If you are providing funds for him regularly, I would suggest a monthly allowance rather than a lump sum for the semester or year.  That may help him to learn to budget monthly and learn to stick to it.  As the Christmas holidays approach, remind him that getting a job at home part-time during the holidays will help defray college costs or provide extra spending money.  One student landed a job as a bank teller during his Christmas break freshman year.  During the rest of his four years of college, the bank utilized him ongoing whenever he had a day, a few days or an entire week.  Besides the money earned, this provided him with valuable work experience, exposure to the financial world and a credible reference for his resume upon reaching his goal – college graduation!

Q. My daughter at college for the first time says her assigned roommate is unbearable.  She wants to change roommates and is asking us for advice.

A. It sounds like your daughter is asking for your permission to change roommates.  However, she needs to make that decision.  On all campuses I have visited, residence hall counselors are readily available for those who ask for help in working through their roommate problems.  Counselors at the student health centers on campus also are available to discuss roommate situations and options in dealing with those situations.  I usually tell students that by changing roommates during those first few weeks, their only choices are others who also don’t get along with their roommate.  If the problems encountered with the roommate are not too great and if they stick it out first semester, they each have time to search for another roommate who may be more compatible.  All of my surveys of college-bound high school seniors indicate that getting along with a roommate is still the number one concern or anxiety among college-bound high school seniors as they look toward their freshman year.  Many give up too soon with trying to work out roommate difficulties.  Sometimes, they miss out on a rich learning experience and the benefits that come from associating with another person who is not exactly like them.  As parents, listen, listen, listen, but let your young adult come up with options for a workable solution.

Q. My daughter will soon be coming home from college for fall break. I can’t wait to see her. My friends tell me things will be different. What do they mean?

A. All parents need to recognize that when your children go off to the college campus they will change. Your student has been away from home and has had a vastly different experience being on a college campus. That first visit home can be stressful for parents as well as students. Parents just haven’t had a chance to catch up with the changes in their students’ lives in such a short period of time. Make changes that will fit into your household; take time to talk with your young adult, building mutual respect, and bring your communication level to an adult-to-adult level. Whether the potential conflicts may be about curfew, chores, or responsibilities, students feel they shouldn’t be treated the same way they were when they were seniors in high school and living at home. For example, your daughter may need some leeway to decide how to manage her hours while at home. She needs to know you have faith in her decision about when to go out and when to come home. Students’ schedules on a college campus are vastly different from your schedule at home.  College freshmen are growing and changing at a rapid rate during this transition process. However, your daughter also needs to respect your wishes, whatever you decide, because it is still your own household. Consider making some changes, though, for this first visit home.

Q. Academic success at college has been our goal for our daughter. However, since she started her freshman year, we are concerned that academic success may not still be as high a priority on her list. How can we help?

A. Your daughter probably is still wanting the same thing – academic success. But, the first semester brings so many changes that sometimes their focus on what’s really important is out of focus. College freshmen have a transition period to work through first. They have to meet some of the needs that are most important to them, such as making new friends, before they can settle down to the business of academic success. As parents, stress the importance of a schedule to help organize and manage her time. If you sense she may be in academic trouble, ask questions such as:

·        What do you find most challenging with your coursework?

·        Have you considered scheduling an appointment with your professor, dean, or academic advisor?

If she finds studying difficult, the counseling centers on most campuses offer workshops on “How to Study More Effectively” or “Taking Good Notes.” There are so many resources on a college campus to help any student achieve academic success. But, the student has to take the initiative to utilize these resources and find the help they need to reach their goals. Be patient and remember not to judge her entire college experience on her first semester grades.

Q. My son, a college freshman, calls so often asking for money that I almost feel like he thinks I am the bank. How can I best handle these calls?

A. One of the most difficult adjustments for college freshmen is managing money. As a parent, you may have just paid the college tuition and room and board and now your student is asking for more money. Students in college do have the added stress of managing their money, many times without the financial help from the parents. The decision about who pays for what needs to be clear, and this decision will vary greatly from family to family. Help him set up a budget. More than likely, his requests are not emergencies. They are probably “wants” versus real “needs.” I used to tell my children, “Your poor planning is not my emergency.” The more often you respond to requests for more money for obvious “wants,” the more calls you will continue to receive.

Q. My son is a junior in high school, class of 2006. He wants to attend college and knows he will need to take the SAT. They say it’s a new test and he can take the old or new SAT. What is your advice?

A. The new SAT I, a college entrance exam, will first be administered in March, 2005. The class of 2006 can choose to take the current SAT before then or wait and take the new SAT I. Along with more advanced math content, the new SAT I will include a new writing section that includes multiple-choice grammar problems and an essay. Brian O’Reilly, the College Board’s executive director of SAT information and services, says the new SAT I is a better, more useful exam that emphasizes the importance of writing and looks more like what students face every day in their high school classrooms. Adding the writing portion to the new SAT I, I feel, is a step in the right direction, by focusing on important communication skills. As employers seek for competent college graduates for